What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
