just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
