i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
false alarm. still invincible.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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