I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
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