Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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