Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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