moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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