Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
