dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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