I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Randomize
