i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
