I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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