Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
