Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
