It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
