Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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