genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
