just come out here and I will go home with you...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
