I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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