i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
