We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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