We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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