Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
