The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
