People in love make me want to vomit
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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