You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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