i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
