When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
