u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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