Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
