batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
cat food counts as protein by the way
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
