i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
