I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
