remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
