Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
