Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
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