I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
