Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
