i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
