Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
