barbara walters just said penis...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
50% drunk capacity currently
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
