Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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