pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
