I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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