I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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