He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
