Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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