hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
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Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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