I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
