she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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