I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
