That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
