Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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