I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
