dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
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I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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