wakey wakey hands off snakey
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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