Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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