can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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