I got chris browned last night
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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