I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
