my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize