yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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