It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
